He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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