First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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