Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
