Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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