Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
