You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
