On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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