Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
