the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
