MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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