Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
