i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I just blew my weed a kiss
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
