Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
