trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
