evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
now i know why i became what i already was.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
