Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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