I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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