my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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