Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
