I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
