Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
