oh god the rape fog is back!
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
