Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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