i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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