Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
