maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
