Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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