I wish I only lived at night.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
