I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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