just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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