No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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