Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
