The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
