dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
i now understand why vodka
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
