just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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