he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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