Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
