I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
