theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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