smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
