The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
