I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
