idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
