You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
