hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
