dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
