You're so nebulous sometimes
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
