Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
