my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
my being single is dangerous.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
