There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
