I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
