i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize