life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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