I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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