When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
