I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
bring money and cleavage
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
