fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
