He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
