I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
worst night to have a conscience
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
