So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
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