Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
