Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
