Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
