he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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