He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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