did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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