He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Porn is love you can see.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
