So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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