I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
