I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
