Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
wanna go halves on a baby?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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