they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
