My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
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