I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
