Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize