Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
