well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
