I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
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