so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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