Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
