I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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