Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
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