Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
My breasts were aching with rage.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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