We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
