the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize