i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
