Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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