i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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