don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
