considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize