Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
