Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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