Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
