he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize