Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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