the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
