I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
