I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
