just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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