If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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