nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
