I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
