but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
