I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Your penis caused this!
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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